2 and a half hours

i am working between moons again
and i am going to go home soon
when i get home i have three choices

the steed will be waiting
her grey power coat
wanting to hit the trail
and see what has changed in town

the bare bones
who sits on her stand
no wheels
no bars,
just a bottom bracket
and my climbing gear hanging off of it

and she is home too
probobly going to be asleep
never seen her sleep
probobly will never see her sleep

and then there is the fourth choice
that i never take
november would be at my feet
my head burried in soft blankets
and the sun shining on me
taunting me
telling me i am missing yet another day
due to swing shift

what should i do i ask you
and where should i go
but my answer is alreay sofar some what clear
if i take the steed
and ride around
come home to the bare bones
and fix the wheel
then when she wakes up
we can carve our pumpkins
and maybe i can fall asleep
with my head in her lap
watching a movie
or listening to female voices

but then again i did ask you

His eyes of yellow flash a hit of green
he watches my every movement
fallows me where i walk
his spoken word
his slight touch
he talks in riddles
but makes him self clear
he is done testing me
but has a new body to try
he questions her judgment
and makes sure he is correct
he got what he wanted
but only because i said so
but the testing is not going to stop
untill she stands up for her self

The Couch

I was dozzing off
her finger tips running through my hair
my head in her lap
i stured
she stopped
an arm around a sholder and on my chest

she got up
i curled up
she came back
i straightened out
she turned off the lights
then turned on a small glow

soft female voices filled the room
the layed ontop and curled up
i held her
ran my finger tips up and down her arm
she stured
i stopped
she layed and fell asleep
i dozzed off
in and out of dreams

A realized Walk

When i was ina circle
i started to think
other than being alone
im ok
but then again
that is not what came to mind
i found that i felt alone
only becuase
the one person in the family
that i want to talk to
to share what i feel and what i do
and that would understand
and know exactly what i was talking about
and could ask me questions
and make me think
is not 6 feet under
but 6 feet above
but equaly dead
so as i walked a circle
what i thought was
i thought

You Found Your Lover

it seems you have been looken for a long time
searching the ends of the earth
or just the english speaking world
but what you dont know is you found him
he is not a tall drink of water
or someone who can hold you all night long
he is someone whom you write too
who has no name and no face
it is to the world you place your words
and it seems that they have found you
but you have not found your self

alone with a cat

im here in my bed
the drugs to take to make me sleep
to take away what clogs my head
fills it will grogyness
and strage images of what
i need not see anymore

it brought back fear
and it brought back confusion
worst of all it brought back her
and now do i wish i had what i dont want

november is always by my side
which is nice
i know someone loves me
and he stayed three days now
when ever i wake he is there
by my side
a paw to my chest to make sure im there
or at my feet and when i stur
he looks up to check

still i take the little blue pills
and wait till and effect comes along

do i dare go to sleep
and dream of confusion and her
or try and fight it off
and lay away
with a paw on my side and he snor
telling me life should be easy

reflection in a dashbord

i foud my self driving
to work again
but driving
and having the same feelings
well....
feeling close to the day
that i had along ago

once i drove up a hill
to a place i called a second home
to get a person i use to love
to go to see her father off to a different world

well today
was a drive to work
knowing that a friend
is seeing his brother
off to that same world

i asked someone
to tell me
keep me informed
and he did not
nor did he tell anyone else
noone is happy

so i found my self driving
with some of the same feelings
but this time
i smiled
insted of cried
something made me smile
and a short laugh came out of my mouth
the volume startled even me
but what a strange feeling

insted of a dark sarrow
i felt a light happyness

where did that come from
and why did it happen to me?