And I thought yesterday was bad

i woke up this morning
my eyes where clear
and it was warm for a cold month
i guess i could have flet
that it was going to be
but i got up out of bed
november was by me the whole time
he was hungry
and i was too

the morning started at a good pase
i had enough to do
and i had time to do it
i had ambition

some one got a phone call
i tracked him down
and then it changed
i had a phone call
so there i was
i answered my sholder and walked to a room
i knew who it was
it was a nice change to talk to him

i picked up and cheerfuly answered
his reply was not as cheerful as my greating
something happened
the phone call was not for me
it was just horrable news
and some one trusted needed to be told

shock ran through my body
and my heart dropped from my chest
my mentor
my friend
had lost something very dear to him
and he had to confide it to me

i could hear the emotion in his voice
and i could hear him holding back
he spoke only what was needed
and i accepted the information
and his task he asked me to do

i was perpaired to bend over backwards
to stop the earth
for anything he or his family needed
i offered anything i could do

he only replied that he was gratefull
and he could contact me if it was needed

i dont remember how it ended,
but i found my self with
the reciever on the base
standing there still
with the constant noise behind me

now at my feet
was the task he asked me
what he confided in me
i had to share with others
people that knew him
and his family

so i started off, in the order he wanted
a friend frist
then another that i knew would like to know
then i moved up the food chain
cought the two in one room
the shock was as devistating everytime

the words out of my mouth
didnt seem real
didnt seem like mine
it was not my voice
with the information i had
but everyone listened
eyes wide open in shock
mouths agape
frozen
as if time had stoped

then the comments of dissbealief
and the whos and whys
and the wheres and hows
and the what next

but all i had was what i gave them
and all i could offer
was nothing at all

i finaly had a chance to stop
i got the chance to sit down
and actualy sit
i sat and stared at nothing
and i didnt think much
but the shock still hit me

questions of why
and how
and everything else poped in my head
after time had passed

and i know no answers will ever come
that will satisfy my cravings
for what the right answer should be

now i sit here
writing
and planing

for all the support he gave me
for all the respect
for all the teachings
for all the kindness

it is not that i owe him
or that i feel i have to be
but i feel that he is a friend
more than just a coliege

we had time to share family stories
stories about friends
and plans we have
and things we are doing

he listened to me
and respected me
and my respect for him is with out end

so i guess
there is no true way of saying
what i truly feel
but atleast i got some of it out

it was a rainy day
with a threat of a horable day
but it turned out to be
one of the worst days i will ever have at a job
and i hope
that i will never have to experiance
the feelings i had to work though
today
ever again,
but im i would never turn
a friend away
if he or she ever needed
to confide
something like what was
confided in me today

tragity strikes at the worst times
and it makes us question
too many things